Nicole Kidman Talks ‘Fetish Stuff’ & Burning The Diaries She Kept During Her Marriage To Tom Cruise

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Nicole Kidman on the cover of British GQ, 2009
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Nicole Kidman speaks during the ‘International Violence Against Women: Stories and Solutions’ hearing at Rayburn House Office Building on October 21, 2009 in Washington, DC.
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Nicole Kidman is all smiles in Washington on September 23, 2005
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Nicole Kidman in New York on January 11, 2006

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FIRST PUBLISHED: November 3, 2009 9:16 PM EST
LAST UPDATED: November 3, 2009 9:37 PM EST

LONDON, England, U.K. --

Nicole Kidman has reportedly opened up about her love life.

In the December issue of British GQ magazine, Nicole, said she’s been through many different types of love, both emotional and physical in her 42 years.

“I’ve explored obsession. I’ve explored loss and love in terms of being in a grief-stricken place, I’ve explored strange sexual fetish stuff,” she told the GQ, according to Britain’s Daily Mail, which obtained excerpts of the new issue. “I’ve explored the mundane aspect of marriage, and monogamy.”

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Nicole also described her marriage to country hunk Keith Urban as “exposed.”

“You work on it,’ she said. ‘It’s a very extraordinary, adventurous place to be: incredibly raw, incredibly dangerous and you’re very much out at sea. You’re exposed. You could drown,” she said.

“When you commit to someone like that, you live and die together by that decision,” she added.

The actress, who posed in a racy black undergarment for the cover of the issue, also revealed that she set fire to the private diaries she kept during her years with first husband, Tom Cruise, shortly after marrying Keith.

“You can’t read somebody’s diary. You shouldn’t read it,” she told the mag. “I burnt most of my journals after I remarried… You’re only going to find out bad things.”

But while she wants to keep the details of her marriage – and divorce – to Tom private, Nicole did tell the mag that she was once advised not to marry the “Top Gun” star.

“I know my agents at the time were like ‘Do not get married! It will ruin your career!’ and I was like, ‘But I’m in love,’” Nicole said. “All I know is that I wasn’t someone interested in fame. And that’s not why I got married. I wanted to work with people who intrigued me.”

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